State of Origin will be decided up in Brisbane in three weeks after the huge Blues victory in Melbourne on Wednesday. The banana benders looked a shattered group of human beings after the MCG capitulation and it wasn’t because NSW skipper Paul Gallen had suggested in the lead up to the clash that residents of Queensland had two heads.
Our “inspirational leader’’ is not very good at geography unfortunately, Tasmania is south of NSW, Paul, not north of the Tweed River. In any case, we feel really bad for the poor Queenslanders, because without winning State of Origin, what do they have? Some bananas and pineapples to go with the humidity. So, here’s our top 5 tips on what they have to do to win the series at Lang Park, sorry, Suncorp Stadium, on Wednesday, July 8:
1. Make sure that there isn’t a minute’s silence held before the start of the game, otherwise some village idiot will embarrass the whole of the state by boorishly yelling out during it: QUEENSLANDER!
2. Leading into the decider, remember to say nice things about referees so they are nice back to you during the game. Otherwise, the refs will call the game in a fair way, as they did at the “G” and look what happened, the better team on the night won.
3. Pin on the dressing room wall a cutting of a “secret’ NSW report on the personal failings of the Queensland players. Things like Billy Slater picks his nose, Cameron Smith is going bald and how old Corey Parker really is.
4. If the usual Brisbane torrential downpour somehow doesn’t happen on the day of the match, turn on the sprinklers and soak the playing surface; those speedy Blues outside backs will slip over all night.
5. If all else fails, bring back Wally Lewis, he can’t be what, two, three years older than Corey Parker. If Wally can’t make it, phone Dale Shearer. Or maybe Big Mal himself can pull on a maroon jumper. Alfie Langer anyone, he’s on the field for 60 minutes anyway as a drinks waiter?
