The world’s biggest community lunch and here’s the menu, Liverpool

Well, they’ve asked for ideas and suggestions regarding Liverpool’s troublesome inter faith lunches/dinners and for me the first problem is that its basic premise is religion.

A lot of people – including me – believe in God but would rather cover themselves in honey and lie on top of an ant hill than get involved with organised religion. It’s harsh but true: organised religion is trouble with a capital T. The fact that they have held separate lunches for Muslims and Christians in Liverpool speaks for itself.

So, if I’m organising it it’s a “community lunch’’ and everybody is invited, including all the faiths. Hold it in Bigge Park from 8am and cook all day until 8pm. The 11 councillors and the CEO and council directors can take turns to cook.

The entertainment will be provided by Liverpool’s tribes, the Greeks, the Turks, Croatians, Lebanese, all dressed in ethnic costume to perform dances or a musical show. Every year about 20 ethnic tribes can take part and the following year another 20 and so on until they’ve all had a go and then start from the beginning again.

There will be no formalities because that’s how we do things around here; just turn up, have a feed, mingle, watch a show, have a chat to the cooking councillors, go home. OK, maybe the national anthem at noon, but that’s it.

Now you’re probably wondering what all this has to do with Top 5. Well, what are we going to cook every year? We don’t want the same stuff every year, do we? So, Top 5 comes to the rescue once again, with its menu suggestions for Liverpool’s Giant Annual Community Lunch. Who knows, it may even break a few records for the number of people fed, that sort of thing.

So here we go with the Top 5 menu suggestions:

Number 1. It will be barbecues at every five paces to keep it simple so why not start with a good, old Aussie sausage sizzle. Add onions cooked on the plate, fresh bread rolls, tomato or barbecue sauce and cheese and my mouth’s watering already! Naturally the sausages will come in many varieties, from Aussie beef breakfast, to lamb and pork and chicken, continental and so on to make sure everybody’s happy. No porkgate here, folks.

Number 2. The year after we can go all south American with meat, meat and more meat. No veggies for just one day. You been to one of those Brazilian joints in town that serve the beef on giant steel skewers? Fantastic.

Number 3. We all love our Middle Eastern tucker so bring on the chicken and lamb kebabs. Yummy.

Number 4. OK, the Italians get a turn and it’s pizza ovens in Bigge Park, 12 varieties, from vegetarian to meatlovers and everything else in between.

Number 5. How hot do you like your Indian curries. One of my favourite ethnic foods, can’t wait. Maybe we should start with curries, what do you lot reckon?