Opposition leader Bill Shorten fronted the royal commission into unions last week amid claims it was a witch hunt and counter claims that it put a spotlight into some of our darker corners. But what we noticed was there was little concern about the cost of the commission with $80 million bandied about as the most likely hit on your hip pocket and mine.
So, let’s make a leap from that to the notion that if the country doesn’t care about how much royal commissions cost – and to the best of my knowledge there haven’t been any rioting in the streets – well, open the gates and let the horses out. Let’s have a royal commission into just about anything. We could look at it as a job creation scheme for lawyers.
In the meantime we have thought of many issues that the PM should have royal commissions into – hang the expense Tony, we the taxpayers are paying for it after all. Our Top 5 royal commissions would be:
Number 1. We want a royal commission to get an answer to this question – if we are in the middle of global warming, why is it so blooming cold right now. So cold I can’t feel my feet even though there’s two heaters on in my house and a roaring fire as well. Every single climate scientist should be put on the stand on this one, as well as their evangelists in the media who are 110 per cent certain on this issue. Brrrrrrrr.
Number 2. Others may disagree but to me this is the biggie: Why is food that tastes great fattening? Well, yes, we think we know the answer to that, but do we really? Are we absolutely certain that there isn’t some sort of conspiracy by lettuce growers to stop people eating meat pies and sausage rolls? This royal commission could be a game changer, if it finds, as most of us would want, that fattening stuff like the above are not at all fattening – if you eat them in moderation. More hot chips, please.
Number 3: This is a personal favourite but I am sure there would be millions of people who would support a royal commission into why TV stations have re-runs of everything ever made since 1956 except one: Gilligan’s Island. I am not sure if we can subpoena the 
Skipper and Marianne, the Professor or the dufus himself, Gilligan (pictured), but we must have an answer to this and only a very, very expensive royal commission can do that, apparently. On the other hand, if anyone knows a station that does show re-runs of Gilligan Island, please let me know in the usual way and we can save the country the 80 million big ones.
Number 4. Where is Kevin Rudd? Need I say anymore? Is he overseas or on another planet? The nation demands, no, needs to know why he is not getting any media exposure and when will he be back for third tilt at the nation’s top job. An obvious royal commission this one, if you consider the national interest at stake.
Number 5. Finishing off with a bang as usual, what about a royal commission into royal commissions and how effective they are in shining a light into our darker corners as Tony likes to say? I am sure even he would agree it’s important to know we’re getting value for money. It would mean putting on the stand half the country, but, hey, it’s only money, right?
Really? Because it is winter. Climate change refers to human impact on long term weather patterns. Not the weather.