Round about this time of the year I put on my Nostradamus hat and predict the future.
Well, not the future exactly.
Just the top five things that will come to pass in 2017, kind of the highlights of the next 12 months.
I have been practising such dark arts for many years and have been successful enough to be dubbed Nostrakontos by some of my witty associates at work.
But don’t let these amateur comedians put you off – I assure you my crystal ball didn’t come from a discount store in Queen Street.
So here goes.
Number 1: This is so easy, a no brainer – politicians in 2017 will transform themselves into thoughtful, caring people who make sure everything they do, especially when claiming any entitlements, pass the old pub test. Whatever that is.
Number 2: There will be peace and tranquillity on our roads in 2017 because those annoying motorists who are always in a hurry because their lives are so much more important than yours or mine will disappear. It will seem like someone weaved a magic wand and these narks will now drive like the rest of us. No more tailgating, overtaking or cutting in.
Number 3: Something else will disappear this year: fatties, which is most of us. Yes sir, we are all going on a diet and we will stick to it. But we won’t call it a diet, no. We will call it our new lifestyle.
Number 4: Art galleries will start showing exhibitions of paintings, painted by painters. There will be no more “contemporary’’ installations for some reason. Maybe because nobody wanted to see them.
Number 5: Here’s the biggie of my crystal ball predictions: rugby league fans will fall in love with referees in 2017. In a reversal never seen before in the history of time, fans will no longer laugh when a whistle blower trips over or knocked down by a prop forward.
