People would probably laugh if you said here’s my list of the best five things about getting old.
It would be an understandable reaction of course for a couple of reasons.
One is that people getting older seem to be constantly complaining about all the down sides to being on the wrong side of 50.
“Oh, you pull a hammy just getting out of bed,’’ they whine to anyone who would listen.
Here I have an image of their long suffering wife slowly starting to walk away from the old man.
Also, when older people catch up – and this is confidential, you know, between me, you and the gate post – they rather enjoy a competitive sharing of their ailments.
“Mate, when I yawn a little hard I get a cramp on my chest,’’ one would say.
“That’s nothing,’’ the other would say as the one-upmanship begins.
“When I sneeze really hard the wife pulls her phone out and starts dialling Triple 0,’’ he brags.
You can see where I’m going with this, once I present you the Top 5 things about getting old, but be patient young fella/lassie, everything in good time.
The truth is, as everyone finds out when they start to get old, there’s good and bad about this chapter of your life.
And it is also true that some oldies are worse than others, for reasons beyond the understanding of we mere mortals.
OK, then, here it is, my Top 5 of good things about old age.
Number 1. Grandchildren. Honestly, better than children. (That’s me in the picture, by the way, with one of mine.)
Number 2. Patience. Yes, you become incredibly more patient in old age, and it’s a wonderful feeling – even if it annoys the hell out of a lot of other people around you.
Number 3. Golf. This game was surely invented for old bastards, to get them out of the house and give the poor wife a break once a week/month/whatever.
Number 4. The humour. Beware the sense of humour of old buggers, especially when they get together and trying to out-do one another, it can be lethal.
Number 5. Grandchildren. Did I mention this already? Oh well, sorry, I forgot, I’m an old man!