OK, kiddies, I hope you have your ipads and laptops out, you have opened a new Word document and titled it, Dear Santa Claus, here is my list of Top Five things I would like to receive this Christmas. Good luck with your list, and here’s mine in reverse order as usual so I can confuse myself by the time I get to number three:
Number 5: Can you please wave your magic wand, Dear Santa, and make all my children be good. I love this one, because it always annoys the heck out of my four darling children when they ask what I want for my birthday and I answer: Nothing, I just want you to be good.
Number 4: Now that we have grandchildren, this annoying request can be extended to them, so, Santa, do your stuff so Ryan, Lara, Mitchell, Tabitha, Felix, Lily, Lewis and Hazel can start getting the treatment from the old fellow, ho, ho, ho.
Number 3: This is really important Santa, so please make an effort; I really need a gadget that vacuums and mops floors and cleans toilets, too. I know it sounds a bit much, but do your best, please, because I can no longer think of excuses to get out of doing these household chores now that I am “retired’’. Either a robot or a cleaning lady would do.
Number 2: Not sure what it is, but I badly need something to un-roll the morning paper with; I used to put a stack of encyclopaedias on top of it but they’ve gone into recycling so I need a new paperweight to do the job. If you can’t help me I’ll just have to cancel my paper delivery subscription.
Number 1: OK, Santa, the big one, so listen up, dude. Let my children and grandchildren know that just being good is really good, but I still love getting presents. Who doesn’t?
